Grad school and Manhattan excursions are what keep me busy and tired. Strangely, both make me miss being in the suburbs more often than in previous years (as an undergraduate). Maybe it is because I am getting older and the appeal to lead an exciting 20-something-year-old life is losing its appeal (my constant stomach troubles are a major indicator–I cannot tolerate sugar or beef like I used to…). I am nearing 30, which seems a little far ahead, but I will get there before I know it!
Good news: my dad will be able to come home in two weeks! His wound care has been improving, and he will have another check-up with the doctor next week. The staff of the nursing home have been doing a good job with his care, which is a relief, given past experiences with other facilities. But my mother and I are more than happy about Dad returning home soon!
During the time, we have had a lot of housework done. Major clean-ups, repairs, upgrades, and other projects, so that our house can be ready for Dad’s return. It should be more accessible for his needs, as well as for ours–to have a home that feels very home-y… if that makes sense? (I.e., we’ve accumulated a lot of clutter, over the years, so we KonMari-ed our living space as best as we could!)
…I actually feel too tired to write anything about myself! But here it goes:
- Started going back to the gym; feeling the muscle strain, but I have to do it for the sake of my knees, hips, and upper body strength! Carrying heavy bags of laundry or books require stronger shoulders!
- Launched a foodie Instagram, with posts in the form of a storybook tale! Inspired by a story I was developing during my Japanese-language class/city trips, about one’s inner “shoujo heroine” when it comes to desserts! [Follow: @sweets.bishoujo]
- Got re-interviewed by The Filipino American Woman Project for Filipino American History Month! This one concerns FilAmLit and the need to document stories, especially in this digital age. [Here’s the episode]
- Noticed that I do laundry up to (3) times a week! It has made me develop an unhealthy habit of going to the nearest coffee shop, in between cycles, and kicking back into my caffeine habit…
Two months into my current master’s program, I have had to confront with a lot of personal and academic issues, under this new mindset… I have trouble articulating my feelings or trying to find the source of my inner struggles, but I know that it has a lot to do with my project and its subject matter. Since I am writing a memoir, for my thesis (and eventually for publication as a book), and I am approaching it from an unapologetically/unabashedly Pinay perspective, I find myself coming in conflict with a lot of the frameworks, theories, and approaches in my course work that barely touch the surface of what I am working towards. Then again, it is only the first semester, and I am trying to navigate this academic setting again… but this time, with my own set agenda that ties in with decolonization and Filipinx representation, in literature and in academia.
Long story short, grad school is hard, and all I want to do is go to sleep and read books at my leisure!
But I cannot falter at any point; I know deep down that what I do now will have greater impact in the future, and not just for myself. For many like me, who had no idea that people like me could belong or take up space in those areas where we do not see much of ourselves. My ultimate goals are: 1) become a published writer (that’s been a long-time dream that will finally manifest!), and 2) teach Filipinx American Literature, both in a classroom setting and outside, via Internet and possibly workshops…
As long as I have my support system (mentors and colleagues in grad school, fellow scholars, Sisters, friends who believe in me, and family that want to see me succeed in my own way), I do not and cannot think that I will fail.
‘Maria Clara’ Matters (hehe, get it?)
I know that I previously stated that I will start writing a sub-blog in relation to my thesis project, “Maria Clara Speaks“, but I have not gotten around to finishing the few drafts that I wrote out in the last (2) months!
JUST NOW: I published the first post, which can be found here! Subsequent postings under this sub-blog might be infrequent, depending if I can take time to write them.
I finally, officially launched the website almost (3) weeks ago!!! I will also publish the first essay/review of a book written by a Filipinx author soon. So far, I have received a few messages from people who are interested in this project, so it has been encouraging me to keep going, to not be so hard on myself since it is only the beginning (the Glossary section needs to be fixed, as soon as I can “decrypt” the jargon!), and to enjoy the reading.
Juggling so many things at once makes me feel more tired than anxious now, so I should not be afraid! Or, at least allow myself to admit fear, then find courage to just do it.
I also launched a Facebook page for this blog! [Follow: PinayMerican: The Musings of a Young Fil-Am]
Before the end of this year, I would like to change the domain of this blog. That is, if the money gods will grant my wishes!!